On the Bench

March Madness is here. And I am married to a man who not only loves anything athletic, but if there was a “Sports Jeopardy” edition, I’d have my money on Dick winning every single time. He knows all of the trivia, all of the rules, and all of the back stories. Additionally, he has learned that, in order to draw me in, he can share anecdotes about the players and then I’ll enjoy watching a game with him. 😃 The coach’s twin boys are on this team. Or See #3 on Vandy’s team? He went to Brentwood Academy (where our girls went). Or The lead scorer’s mom used to play on this team, chose to have a career as a trapeze artist, lost her leg in an accident, and now the daughter plays every game in her honor. (Okay, I made that one up. But you get the picture.)

Probably my own lack of knowledge for sporting events is birthed from the fact that I really never did much athletically as a girl. Sure, I had Gym Class in school, but beyond that, I was more involved in music and the arts.

With that said, I do understand the concept of sitting out a game on the bench.

“On the bench” generally means being temporarily inactive, sidelined, or waiting for a new assignment. I don’t think any athlete ever chooses the bench. But there are lessons that probably can only be learned by a bench experience. Dick was explaining how there are players on college basketball teams who have playing scholarships and still may only be on the court 30 minutes through a whole season! That is some serious bench-time.

Hopefully, this analogy I’m beginning to draw is fairly easy to follow. As I find myself recovering from the complete disruption of life from cancer, it’s clear that the Lord currently has me on the sidelines. And just like the athletes I mentioned, I’m not sure I would have ever chosen to be where I am.

Why are players on the bench? I could go into several reasons from the sports world. But for my scenario, I would say I have been benched due to injury. Health reasons. I’ve clearly needed to rid my body of cancer (check!) and now need time to heal and strengthen so I can get back in the game. But, no doubt, this isn’t 100% about health issues. And this bench-time isn’t worthless time. There are lessons to be learned and believe me, I want to learn each and every one. “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:4)

Back to March Madness . . . as Dick and I watch some of the games together, I’m finding myself focused on the players sitting on the bench much more than I ever have been. Here are some lessons that relate to any of us called to a time on the sidelines.

When you find yourself on the bench . . .

It doesn’t always mean your coach is angry with you. And especially my Coach, with a capital “C”. God has His reasons to sit me down for this season, but it’s not necessarily because I did anything wrong. I could probably guess at some of the “why’s”, but ultimately, I just have to trust that 1) He really does know what is best and 2) He has a plan.  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9).  I can’t figure the Lord out, and don’t need to waste time trying. The bench is where He has me right now – and I’m sure (because I trust Him) He has good reasons. 

Live with a mindset of anticipation and preparation. Players on the bench have to be ready, at any moment, for the coach to call them into the game. They need to have their uniform on, be knowledgeable of all of the plays, and be mentally/physically ready. They also attend every practice, work out, and are 100% committed, knowing the whistle could blow and the signal to step onto the court could happen at any time. For my situation, I can give a general timeline of when I think I’ll be ready to get back into the game. (Notice, this is my plan. Obviously, my Coach’s plan will win out). I have 3 more chemo treatments that will take me into May, and then a time of getting my strength, hair, body, etc. all back into shape. When the moment is right, the Lord will let me know.  

It’s important to stay in good physical shape. Dick was reminding me that if you look at the kickers on the bench in a football game, you realize they may only use their talents for a few significant plays in a game. In the meantime, you will see them stretching, staying warm, practicing, and being ready for that moment it’s time for a field goal or extra point. As well, when you look at the guys on the bench, you don’t see them eating bags of potato chips and scrolling on their phones (Helpful hint – this would be the easiest way to get kicked off of the team). They are attentive and staying physically ready. In the same way, I’m doing all I can to strengthen my body – eating as healthy as I can, getting lots of rest, taking walks back and forth down our long driveway – so that my physical frame is getting stronger every day. 

It’s also important to stay mentally engaged. Players on the bench are watching the game closely. They are aware of what plays are being called, what strategies are being used, how the other team is responding . . . things like that. (This actually has an official name – “game awareness”.) During this season, I’m trying to do similar – I want to learn from what I’m observing and grow stronger, especially spiritually. What that looks like: I’m memorizing scripture, reading solid/meaningful books, deepening my prayer life, and listening to music or sermons that will encourage. Several books that have spoken loudly to me during this journey:
God’s Grace in Your Suffering by David Powlison
Impossible Commands by Jonty Allcock
Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop

The Lord has me on the bench for a reason. I want to capitalize on hearing His voice and obeying His gentle invitation to “take my yoke upon you and learn of me.”  (Matthew 11:29a)

Avoid feeling sorry for yourself. I can’t speak for the demeanors of all benchwarmers in the sporting world, but I can say attitude matters when you’re sitting on the sidelines. I don’t want to pout or become bitter, and I’m doing my best to accept where I am and grow from it. Sure, there can be some discouraging moments. And I am grateful for grace in those times. But overall, I am determined to walk in a place of acceptance and trust in what is potentially “God’s best plan” for Mel Tunney right now. I don’t want to waste this time whining or complaining. I Peter 4:19 says it well: “So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should entrust their souls to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.”

Become a cheerleader for others on the team. In March Madness if you watch the benches of these teams, you see young men or women absolutely engaged and encouraging their teammates. It is a team sport, after all. And if they win the National Championship, everyone gets a ring and everyone will participate in the victory, no matter how much they actually played in the game.  The Lord has opened our eyes to many other benchwarmers in this same season. We have a list of 30+ people (and growing) who we call out by name each morning. We are praying for their healing and “cheering them on”. There is something very freeing about encouraging others during a time when you’re on the bench. And believe me, Dick and I are also being cheered on – by you, who are praying for us, and daily let us know we are loved and supported. 

Live with the expectation of getting back in the game. I’m on the bench now, clearly. But I won’t always be here. There will come a time when I’m back in the game – whatever that might look like. And until then, I am not sitting around disengaged and passive. No! I’m actively anticipating what is ahead. My heart waits, expectantly! “We wait in hope for the Lord . . . May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.” (Psalm 33:20, 22)

And finally . . . 

Determine to be an even stronger player when you’re back in the game. This bench-time is valuable. It is an intentional time that God has set aside for me –  to grow, learn, and become the best I can be through this particular trial. A passage of scripture that fits this picture is one of my favorites, from Psalm 40. It speaks of a time when the psalmist found himself in a difficult situation, but ultimately the Lord lifted him out, once again set him on solid footing, gave him a new song, and that song was an encouragement to all who heard it! I want that story! 

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.”
(Psalm 40:1-3)

I’m not sure how long I will be sidelined. I can honestly say right now, “My spirit is willing, but my flesh is a bit weak.” 😃 Hopefully, sometime soon the Lord will release me to jump back in the game, and when He does, I will look forward to saying those 4 magic words: “Put me in, Coach!”

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
(1 Peter 5:10)